Hi everyone!!
I am Chelby, the creator of Disability LGBTQIAA+. I will explain more about what all you will be able to find here in a bit, but first, let me introduce myself. To put it very simply, I am Chelby, a college student, YouTuber, blind, bisexual. I have 2 parents and a little brother who love me, and a guide dog who I constantly spoil and adore.
I was born with an eye condition called Septo Optic-Dysplasia, which not only caused me to be legally blind,, but also caused Diabetes Insipidus (a condition that causes frequent urination and water intake), and other lesser conditions. My acuity is 20 1,200, which means what a sighted person can see 1,200 feet away I can't see until I'm 20 feet away... so to put it simply my vision is really bad. So I am used to being “different” or “abnormal” as some people would say. However, when I entered my freshman year of high school I began to realize something else... I like girls AND boys.
It was a girl in my freshman choir class. I would hear her sing, and talk, and laugh, and knew I liked her, but since I liked boys I shoved those feelings down and hid them away. I thought that you either liked guys or you liked girls. I didn't know that being attracted to both was a real thing. These feelings I felt for her continued all throughout high school, with me never realizing it was OK to be attracted to both genders. I was attracted to other girls during this time as well, but the she is the one that stood out the most.
It wasn't until the summer between my senior year of high school and my freshman year of college that I started to hear about this wonderful word known as bisexuality, and that it means you like boys AND girls. I quickly began to think that I could be bisexual, but kept it to myself just to make sure. Freshman year I developed feelings for girls in college, not just normal “friend” feelings, but feelings of wanting to kiss them, spoon them, and date them. I continued to hide this for years, up until May of 2017, when I decided to take the leap and “come out” to my family and friends. I wanted to start acknowledging and acting on my feelings and desires, but knew I couldn't hide a relationship with another woman from my family, nor did I want to.
Coming out was terrifying. I thought my parents might be OK with my sexuality, once they got over the whole “its just a phase” belief, but I knew certain friends and family members would not be OK with the idea. I started with my best friend. I was most worried about telling her, so I figured if I could handle telling her I could handle telling my family. It went about as well as I expected, she wasn't happy about it, and I thought I would lose her as a friend for a few months. However, she eventually came around, and now we just don't really talk about it and everything is fine.
After telling my friend I told my mom. That went fairly smoothly compared to telling my friend. She seemed confused, since I had only expressed my attraction toward boys until then, and she did say she thought it might be just a phase or because I hadn't had luck dating guys, but overall she just wanted me to be happy. Once I told her I told my friends and Facebook, and by July I had even come out on YouTube. Responses were extremely mixed, ranging from, “Why didn't you tell me sooner” to “You should have kept this to yourself”, but I haven't regretted coming out whatsoever. I even had my first girlfriend starting in July, which I will most likely talk more about in the future.
So where does Disability LGBTQIAA+ come in? Well, while I have always accepted my disability, and have a family who loves and supports me, the combination of being disabled and being bisexual has caused significant depression and anxiety. Before I came out I was always anxious about someone “outing” me, and/or disowning me because of my sexuality. I was also anxious because of being “different” both because of my disability and my sexuality. As for the depression, I felt like being disabled AND bisexual made me too much of a burden on others, and worse yet, made me a defect, waste of space, and misfit. I felt like I did not belong on this planet because of all of my “defects”. There were many other factors that played into my anxiety and depression, and I still constantly struggle with both. However, now that I do not have to hide my sexuality I have noticed a drastic reduction in my anxiety, and even a decent reduction in my depression. Being a “double minority” because of my disability and sexuality has made my life harder, and the lack of support and representation for disabled LGBTQIAA+ individuals has made life harder as well, and likely has for other people too. This is unacceptable, and no one should have to grow up feeling alone, like a defect, or like an outcast because of 2 small parts of them. I hope that Disability LGBTQIAA+ will provide a safe space, support system, information, and education to individuals that are disabled and LGBTQIAA+ and members of the community. As the site grows you will be able to find blog posts about my life as a person with a disability and bisexual identity, stories from other individuals that are disabled and LGBTQIAA+, links to other resources for these individuals, and much more!!
